Exclusive
by NOOOOOOOO
Summary: ."Vince Noir, Rock and Roll star is exclusive!" Vince had a girlfriend now. That didn't bother Howard. What did bother him was that she kept hitting on him. But there's something even more horrible about this girl than Howard or anyone else could imagine.
1. Chapter 1

**The Mighty Boosh**

**Exclusive**

I've been working on this for awhile. It's not really an OC story, more of a friend-rescues-friend story. I hope you enjoy it! I know some people don't like reviewing (I myself don't do it unless I find the story to be absolutly fantastic), but reviews help me to know people are reading my story. You could simply write "fadoodles" or something. I just want to know if I should continue or not. So, if you liked it, take out the time to write a word or two to tell me!

* * *

Our story begins with the Sunshine Kid, sitting on top of the front desk of the Nabootique. A soda sat to his right side, and a copy of the _Cheekbone _sat in his lap. He was studying it hard, as he usually did. He coughed as something took his breath for a moment.

It had to be Naboo and Bollo. You could smell the two from across the street. Vince chuckled, flipping a page in his magazine and kept on reading.

_Ding ding!_

Someone had stepped into the Nabootique. Vince looked up and raised a welcoming hand to the customer. "Hey, welcome to the Nabootique!" he called out.

The woman who'd just entered nodded and walked off quickly, hiding behind a rack of books. Vince could have swore he saw the girl peeking out at him. He shook his head. Nah... She was too homely to be interested in him.

Long hair, pulled back into an ugly straight pony tail, thick bifocals over her eyes. Her hair probably wouldn't be so bad if it were parted or something.... But those glasses had to go! No, no she was obviously looking elsewhere. Was Howard around? Vince looked over his shoulder.

Heavy footsteps went lumbering down the stairs. Vince looked over to see Bollo and Naboo clambering towards him, a puff of smoke to fallow. "Vince!" Naboo said. "Off the counter! We've got customers."

Vince rolled his eyes, sliding off the counter. "Fine..." He lifted his chin towards the suspicious character peeking from behind the rack of books and leaned in towards Naboo. "Hey, you see that girl over there?" He lifted his loda and took a sip.

Naboo turned. "No," he answered.

"Behind the books," Vince whispered.

"Ah, yes, I see her."

"I think she's watching me..."

"Why would she be watching you?"

Vince laughed out loud and gestured towards himself, despite he'd just been thinking that himself. "Look at me!"

Howard came down the steps shortly after, holding a full box in his arms.

"What's in the box, Howard?"

Howard dropped the box at his feet and grinned, placing two fists at his hips. "Jazz records," he said. "It's the weirdest thing! I found them way in the back of my closet! I had no idea they were there! And there's about five more!"

"Ugh! Shut up! I think I'm breaking out in hives!" Vince covered his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, sitting back in his chair. Naboo looked towards Howard.

"Stop boring everyone with your jazz talk and help out the customer."

"Me? What about him?" Howard pointed at Vince. "I'm bringing these boxes down! He's not doing anything!"

"Am too!" Vince retorted.

"Like what?" Howard asked. "Being..... A waste of space...?"

Naboo and Vince looked at him, confused. "What?"

"Yeah...!" A silence grew over the room, Howard standing awkwardly, and Vince and Naboo giving him the same odd look. "I'll go and.. help the customer now."

"Yeah, you go do that then," Vince muttered, going back to reading his magazine. He had about thirty minutes before another was delievered.

The bell at the top of the door rang. Another customer! Vince raised his head and waved. "Welcome to the Nabootique!" he said with a grin.

The newcomer grinned and stepped towards the counter, rubbing carmel colored hands through her dark brown hair. "Hey," she said, grinning. There was not the slightest hint of a British accent in this girl's voice. She was from the States. "I'm looking for my friend," she began. "She's..." Her sentence fell and she practically gasped. "Is that the new _Cheekbone_?"

Vince grinned. "Yeah. Apparently electro punk rocker is all the rave now."

The girl leaned over the counter and stared at the magazine. "Oooohhh. I need to get a neon skeleton jacket then..."

"I was thinking that exact thing. But, more along the lines of glow in the dark stripped leg warmers."

"Ooh, good choice..."

"Amazing idea, I know."

The girl that walked in earlier stepped towards the counter, holding a hand full of books and sat them down. The other girl looked at her in surprise. "Cara! Where have you been? Did you do it?"

The girl shook her head. "No, I didn't."

The new girl smiled. "Good."

Vince wanted to ask what they were talking about, but he didn't. There was an article on tube socks that he was getting really into.

"Vince," Naboo said. "Could you ring her up, please?"

Vince looked up at the girls. "Oh, right." He smiled and stood. He stared at the pictures on all the covers as he rung them up.

"Do you like those books?" the new girl asked.

Vince shrugged and smiled. "I don't read too good."

She laughed. "Me either. My name's Peyton."

"Vince," he said in reply.

* * *

Vince wasn't completely sure how he'd gotten from talking to her about fashion and books to planning a date with her. But, somehow it happened. He couldn't say he minded in the least.

* * *

"Peyton May-Lunette Campbell."

Vince laughed out loud, looking over the booth seat table at her. "Really? That's your whole name?"

Peyton nodded, a small smile on her face. "Yup."

"That's loony!"

"Yeah, sure, _Vincent._" The two shared a laugh and looked down at the menu's in front of them. "So, what are you gonna order?"

Vince looked up at her. "Well, I've actually got a huge bag of treats here." He grinned, pulling up a brown paper back.

Peyton's eyes widened. "Got licorice bootlaces?"

"Always!"

"Great. I'm not in the mood for real food."

"I'm never in the mood for real food."

Peyton reached her hand into the bag and took out a handful of bootlaces, all stuck together. She pulled one off, and put half of it in her mouth, then staring Vince intently in the eyes, pulled it slowly back out. She grinned seductively and swung the bootlace around in front of her. "Bootlace?"

Vince blinked. _Now that was sexy,_ he thought to himself. "Well, maybe," he said, grinning back. "A bit later, yeah?"

Peyton chuckled, shaking her head. "I'd really rather kiss you about now."

"Agreed."

And so, this is how Peyton Campbell and Vince Noir ended up in Peyton's apartment, Vince undoing his belt, Peyton pulling her shirt over her head.

She softly pushed Vince down onto the couch and sat on top of him, placing her hands on his shoulders and sliding her tongue into his mouth. Vince did the same, using his own tongue to play with hers.

Word's weren't exchanged for quite some time, until Peyton's hand slipped, fell onto the couch, and slammed against a remote sitting next to them. The television flickered on and she broke away from Vince almost instantly. She looked around, taking several breaths. "Shit..." she muttered, standing up. "Cara!" she yelled. She snatched up the remote and swung it around. "Why the _fuck_ didn't you put the remote in the remote basket!"

Vince coughed, looking up at her in only her bra, yelling like an idiot. Cara came shuffling out of a room, pushing her glasses up onto her face. "Sorry Peyton..." she muttered.

Peyton tossed the remote at her. "Yeah, you are. Put it where it goes!" She sighed and shook her head.

Cara sat the remote in it's basket and glance at Vince. "Hi Vince," she said, almost inaudibly before shuffling off again. He smiled kindly and lifted a hand in greeting.

Peyton sighed once more and looked back at Vince. She smiled, sitting back on his lap. "Sorry... I like things to be... in order..."

Vince laughed. "I see." And their lips melded with each other's once more.

* * *

Howard looked at his watch, sitting behind the front counter of the Nabootique. He sighed. "Always late."

It wouldn't bother him as much if Vince didn't live _upstairs_ from the place he worked. But, he hadn't even came home the night before! Maybe he'd had an exciting night. Or, with their luck, maybe the girl had handcuffed him to a hotel bed and left him there after stealing his empty wallet.

Just as this thought passed through his mind, the bell on top of the door dinged and Vince stepped into the store. "About time!" Howard said. "Why are you so late?" He wasn't quite sure why he asked. The stupid grin on his face answered any question on his mind.

"Oh no reason..." He let the door swing shut behind him and walked over to the counter. He hopped onto it and sat cross legged in front of Howard.

"Really? No ridiculous reason today?"

"My real reason's not ridiculous."

"I'm supposing you got it on?"

Vince laughed out loud. "Maybe,"

"Fine, I don't wanna hear the story anyways." Howard crossed his arms over his chest and looked the opposite way. "I'm not going to ask about it."

"Want me to tell you the story?"

Howard looked over to him, as though he wasn't interested. "Yeah, sure, why not?"

"So things are getting real randy. Clothes are coming off, we're makin' out and stuff. And, then she go insane because the remote's not where it's supposed to be..."

"The remote?"

"Yeah, the remote. It was crazy. She started yelling at her roommate, and she just kinda does what she says. I don't know, it was weird. I think she's obsessive compulsive." He laughed, as though that was funny. "Then we start at it again, makin' out. It's gettin' real hot. But then, she stops."

Howard looked a little disappointed. He was expecting more.

"She told me she really likes me and she wants to take things slower."

"So? What'd you do?"

Vince grinned. "Well, I said okay. I kinda like 'er too y'know? We're going out for candy floss later."

Howard sat up straight. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Vince grinned. "Yes, Howard, I am. Vince Noir, Rock N' Roll star is exclusive!"


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for my horrible example of a crimp. Haha! Don't forget! Fadoodle!

_

* * *

_

_Vince Noir, Rock N Roll star is exclusive!_

It just sounded so strange to hear him say that, especially to Howard. Neither of them had ever had much luck with the ladies (Howard much more than Vince). Every now and then, he'd see Vince share a kiss with another girl, but never anything more than that. It was just downright weird, if Howard had anything to say about it.

Vince had gone walking through the store, trying to find something to tinker with, more than likely, leaving Howard still behind the counter. He shrugged off the news he'd gotten from his best friend and pulled out a notebook. He'd better do a little stock taking before Naboo got back from his meeting with the Shamen and got on his head about it.

It had been quite for, say, about five minutes when a small toy rocket ship painted red came flying through the air and hit Howard directly on the head. He jumped, and looked around, catching his eye on a snickering Vince, leaning against a shelf full of knick-knacks. "Score!"

"That's enough playing around, Vince. You ought to do a bit of stock taking.

Vince sighed heavily, and frowned. "Stock taking! That's boring!"

"Well, Vince, sometimes you gotta do the boring things before you get to do what you want."

"Really? Well, I don't do stock taking. That's a _Man of Action's _job, y'know?" He chuckled.

"You could be a Man Of Action too. If you tried."

"Men Of Action are nothing special." Vince took another toy in his hands and tinkered with it.

"Oh yeah? And who told you that?" Howard wrote a couple of notes and check things off.

"Leroy."

"Leroy's a Man Of Action too."

"_What?_"

"Yeah. He told me."

"That's ridiculous! I'm gonna go ring 'em right now!"

_Ding ding!_

The door pushed at the bell attached to the entrance as it was pushed open. Both Howard and Vince looked to see who it was. It was Peyton, stepping through the thresh hold. Vince grinned. "Cheers, Peyton! You just got me out of stock taking," he said, strolling her way.

"You weren't going to do them anyways!" Howard accused.

Vince put his arms around Peyton and kissed her. "He's absolutely right," he said.

Peyton giggled and looked towards Howard. "Hey Howard," she said, with a friendly smile and a wave.

"Well, I've got to go change," Vince said, breaking their hug and heading for the stairs. "So I'll be back in.... lets say four hours?"

With that, he was up the stairs, leaving Howard and Peyton alone. Peyton strolled slowly through the store and stood next to Howard. A little too close, if you asked him. "Whatcha doing?" she asked, tapping at the notebook.

Howard looked towards her, then back to his notebook. "Stock taking," he said.

"Really?" She smiled. "Sounds pretty boring."

"Well, you've gotta do the boring things before you get to do what you want. That's what true Men Of Action say."

Peyton lay a hand on Howard's shoulder. "Oh? Well, what do you like to do, Man Of Action?"

Howard looked towards her smiling face and brushed her hand from his shoulder. He was beginning to feel uncomfortable. "I.... I like to listen to jazz."

Peyton's grin widened. She clasped her hands together in front of her and spun around in a circle. "Jazz? I love jazz!"

"Really now?" He turned towards her, an unexpected smile playing at his mouth. "Who's your favorite artist?"

"Howlin' Jimmy Jefferson."

"Ah, I've got a few of his records, y'know?"

Her smile widened again. She took hold of Howard's hand and smiled up at him. "Why not put on one of his records?" she asked, batting her lashes.

"Uh..." Howard pulled his hand from hers. His cheeks turned a deep red as he turned away. "Okay then..." He walked off, wiping his hand on his pants, like he'd gotten a disease from her. He picked a record from a rack full of them and sat it in the record player nearby.

Howard grinned as the music started and raised his eyebrows. He pointed towards the record player. "Yeah?" he said.

Peyton laughed and stepped over to Howard, taking one of his hands again. "I like this song," she said quietly. "But..." She leaned forward, pressing herself against Howard and lifted the needle on the record player, changing the song. "I like this one better."

She stood on her toes, leaning her head back.

Howard looked at her, his eyes a bit bigger than usual. "Wh- what are you doing? You're _Vince's _girlfriend!"

"Yeah? Well, Vince isn't around right now, is he?" She smiled, touching his bottom lip with her index finger.

Howard blinked several times and pushed Peyton away from him softly, turning around and walking off with his notebook. "Absolutely not, Peyton. This won't be happening."

Peyton gave him a look and placed her hands on her hips. "What are you saying? You don't find me attractive?"

He wasn't sure how to answer the question. He _did. _But that was _Vince's _girlfriend! There was no way he'd want her then. "I don't feel comfortable answering that question, ma'am."

The next three our four hours continued just this way; Peyton would hit on Howard, and he'd try his best to ignore her advances. He wouldn't be a part of that. He was intent on making sure that didn't happen.

During yet another advance, Vince started down the stairs, declaring himself to the room. "Be prepared! This outfit's gonna blow your mind!"

Peyton straightened herself up quickly, taking several steps away from Howard and smiling Vince's way. "Whoa." His outfit wasn't that amazing. Howard had seen him dress that was millions of times. Belt outside the belt loops, high heels to make him feel taller, a dandyesque top. He just happened to be wearing a cape that day.

"Later Howard. We're out of here!" Vince said, raising a hand his way. "And turn that Jazz crap off! I feel like I'm about to break out in hives."

"Yeah," Peyton added, over her shoulder. "Jazz sucks." And with a wink and a smile, she was out the door behind Vince.

* * *

"Candy floss. C- c- c- Candy floss. Tasty, sugary, diabetes! On a stick. Candy fl-"

"What is that?" Peyton asked, suddenly, pulling off a piece of her cotton candy and placing it on the top.

Vince looked towards her, like he was confused and then smiled. "It's called a Crimp. It's a thing me and Howard do. But I guess it's not really a crimp unless there's two of us, eh?" He laughed. Peyton wasn't completely sure what he was talking about.

"Hmmm... Interesting..." She pulled another piece from the cotton candy and placed it on the top.

"Is that _Vince?!"_

Vince jumped. He looked around, and spotted the voice's owner. "Oh _no..._" Bob Fossil, making his way across the street, wearing the same outfit he'd been wearing for years.

"Who's that?"

"Absolutely no one."

"Vincey!" Bob yelled, throwing his hands into the air for a hug. Vince stared at him, wide eyed, obviously showing he wasn't about to hug him. So, Bob tried to play it off, taking one hand and patting him awkwardly on the shoulder. "What's up! Haven't seen you at the Velvet Onion in a while!"

Vince smiled sarcastically. "Yeah, well..."

Bob put a friendly arm around his shoulder. "You and Howard should come on down! For old time sake! Well, not Howard so much. But, you!"

"You know, Fossil, I'll think about that," Vince said, removing his arm from his shoulder.

"Really? Will you?!" Bob Fossil was much too excited.

"Yeah, but right now I'm gonna walk away with my lady friend here, 'cause you're a freak."

They began to walk away, but Fossil only fallowed them. Eventually, Peyton got a little bit tired of it. "I'm about to get rid of this guy," she muttered to Vince. "Hey, weird fat guy," she said, taking his hand and pulling him away.

They were both gone for about ten minutes, but when she returned, she was alone.

"Cheer, Peyton! What happened?"

She grinned. "We just had a little talk. He said he'd leave you alone."


	3. Chapter 3

_An article from a local Dalston newspaper:_

**Local Club Owner Found Dead, Authorities Baffled**

Bob Fossil, owner of The Velvet Onion, was found dead in an alley yesterday night. "We were just coming from a hard night of partying," says one eyewitness, nothing but a pink head with tentacles. "when _Saboo _here tripped over the bugger! This is an outrage!"

Another eyewitness pointed out that, "The only reason I tripped was because I was trying to lug you around you bullocks!"

Possibly even stranger than the witnesses was the body's physical condition. The body was found completely carved out like a shell and naked from head to toe. Police can not find an explanation for such a thing to have happened, nor if it was a human or something much much worse.

A gruesome sight to see, none-the-less. I wouldn't recommend it for anyone.

* * *

She stared at the article sitting on the Nabootique's front counter for a long time. Then, she ripped out the page, crumbled it up, and threw it away.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Trousers can never be too tight._

_You have to go through a couple of days of pain, _

_then everything stretches out."_

_-Noel Fielding_

* * *

"I've got a favor to ask you, Howard." Vince sat down on the couch next to his friend and smiled. He was absolutely positive this question wouldn't roll over well.

"A favor about what?"

"Now, I really need you to do this for me. So, before you say no just hear me out."

"What's the favor, Vince?" Howard was getting annoyed. Vince could tell by the look in his little eyes.

"Well, Peyton-"

"No."

Vince sighed. He'd come to realize over the passing few weeks that Howard Moon wasn't a big fan of his girlfriend, though he couldn't figure out why that was exactly. She was always pretty nice to him. "You're not hearing me out, Howard!"

Howard rolled his eyes. "Fine, Vince. What is it?"

"Peyton's roommate, Cara," Vince started again.

"Who's Cara?"

"You remember her! She was here the first day, peering at me through the book racks!" Vince grinned, mimicking the action with his fingers.

Howard looked at Vince and shook his head. "That's not ringing a bell here."

"She's got the big glasses, greasy hair! Come on, you remember her."

Howard looked forward. And squinted his eyes in thought. He half smiled. "Ah, yes, I remember. What about her?"

"She needs a date."

"A date?"

"Yeah, a date." Vince smiled again.

"With _that?"_ Howard made a face and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Now, Howard she's not that bad. Take off those glasses, wash her hair, get her a sense of fashion and I'm pretty sure she'd be quite the looker. But, then again, you've got little since when it comes to fashion too, so I don't think that's a factor here." Vince raised his eyebrows. Howard looked skeptical. "Oh, come on Howard! Me and Peyton'll be there too! Don't worry! It'll be fun!"

"Oh yeah? Fun? I know fun."

Vince's mouth pulled together and he cocked an eyebrow upwards. "No you don't!"

"Says who?"

"Says Leroy. He saw you that day."

"What day?"

"Sewing a button to a piece of cloth. Giggling like a mad schoolgirl." Vince acted this out, a stupid grin on his face as he sewed a fake button on to an invisible piece of cloth.

"_What? _You're not gonna believe Leroy are you?"

"I think I will, Howard."

The room grew into a stilling silence. Vince and Howard exchanged looks until the room became absolutely uncomfortable. Howard fidgeted. "Fine, Vince. I'll go!"

"Great!" Vince stood and clasped his hands together. "There's only one condition."

"Oh, so now there's conditions? Great..."

Vince pointed towards him with both index fingers. "You've got to let me dress you."

* * *

Howard sat next to Cara at one end of the table. They both stared intently at their glasses, every now and then picking them up for a sip of wine. Their seats were separated by at least three inches. Passing spectators wouldn't have the slightest idea they were on a date.

The complete opposite could be said for Vince and Peyton. If they ever broke eye contact, Howard surely didn't notice. There was no separation between their chairs, and not to mention they'd be kissing any chance they'd get.

Howard was surprised they hadn't been kicked out of this family type restaurant. Small children were now asking their parents questions that didn't need to be answered at their age. "Mother, where do their noses go!"

Howard sighed. He already looked like an electro vampire... He was positive his leather pants were about to rip, and his shirt was a ridiculous retro mix of green and blue. He glanced shortly towards Cara. She looked less comfortable in her attire, a pink and green striped strapless dress, hugging her too tightly, and a green bow tie around her neck. Every once and a while, trying to be inconspicuous, she'd try to lift the dress a little higher over her bust.

"Excuse me, but we're going to have to ask you two to sease your displays of affection," a manager said to Vince and Peyton. "You're making our other guests a tad uncomfortable."

For a moment it seems like they were going to ignore the manager. Their liplock continued, uninterrupted for at least ten seconds. And just as the manager was about to repeat himself, they broke away.

"Sorry, mate," Vince said, with a grin and a wave. "Won't happen again."

"Speak for yourself," Peyton added, chuckling.

Howard stared across the table at Peyton. _Dirty skank._

Cara suddenly coughed and wheezed, then pulled out an inhaler. She tried to take a deep breath, and then took several puffs from it.

Peyton rolled her eyes. She didn't seem very concerned. Vince and Howard showed a little more caring. "You okay, mate?" Vince asked, as Howard offered her a soft pat on the back.

She only nodded, then she chugged down her wine. Then she stood, trying to fix her dress once again. "Uh, I'll be right back." She looked towards her date. "Howard?"

He looked at her skeptically, and then shot Vince a look. Vince chuckled.

Cara tried her very best to play off a nonchalant giggle, and without calling too much attention gave Howard a look of urgency. It frightened him almost. He suddenly felt like this had nothing to do with what he thought it did. Cara picked up her bag and walked off.

"Go on now, Howard!" Vince said.

"You kids be safe," Peyton added.

Howard rolled his eyes and struggled to stand up in his pants, fallowing behind Cara.

He found her standing in front of the bathroom doors, pulling a grey hoodie over her dress. "Yes?" he asked, slightly worried she might be as frisky as her friend, if you could call Peyton a friend of hers. She basically treated the girl like crap.

"I need to talk to you," she said, pulling a pair of jeans out of her bag. "It's about Vince."

"What about him?"

"Peyton's no good for him. You need to get him, and leave Dalston." She pulled the jeans on under the dress, then pulled the dress off. "I can only tell you this once. She'll suspect if I do again." She fastened the jeans and shook her head. "...I forgot shoes..." she muttered, looking down at her feet. They were turning read in the pink high heels Peyton had her wearing.

"Leave?" What? Now, she could well be a dirty whore, but that was no reason to leave completely! ...Was it? "Why? That sound kind of extreme."

"'S not," she said. "'S really not. You don't know what she is."

Howard gulped. "What... she is?" he asked. "What is she... exactly?"

"_Cara!" _came the completely obvious American voice. "You just changed?!" Peyton broke in between them and pulled on Cara's arm. She dragged her away and groaned. "I should have known! You _know _how that drives me crazy! You wouldn't be coming back here for _him! _Just come on!"

Cara looked towards Howard once more, quickly reached into her pocket and threw a balled up piece of paper at him. He picked it up, and pushed it as far as he could into the pocket of the leather pants. Now there was a big lump on the side pocket of them.

Peyton stopped halfway for the door, waved, and blew a kiss at Vince. "Bye Vincey Sweetie! I'll miss you!"

Howard saw Vince smile and catch the kiss out the side of his eye.

Damn... What would Howard tell Vince? Would he tell him anything at all? There was something wrong about his girlfriend and it wasn't just her being a filthy gutter slut.... But how could Howard tell him when he seemed to like her so much?


	5. Chapter 5

Howard had an OOC moment last chapter, but I made up for it in this one! I think.... And hope... Anyways...

This is the same chapter, but if you've read it before December sixteenth it's a good idea you read it over. Aparently something happened and a huge part of the chapter when missing.

* * *

It was a slow day in the Nabootique, and Howard sat behind the counter alone. He really shouldn't have been there alone. Vince was on the clock, and he was nowhere to be found. That was typical though. Howard wasn't worried. He was probably with his whore anyways. He definitely wasn't going to worry.

_Ding ding!_

Damn, he was worrying. Definitely now. Peyton had just walked trough the door. "Hey Howard, where's Vince?"

Howard gave her a look and frowned. "I don't know," he answered, tightly. "I thought he was with you."

"Nope. He cleared off late last night. Haven't seen him since." She sashayed to the front counter and sat on it, cross legged. Something Howard could imagine Vince doing. He didn't like her sitting there that way, in a way he would.

"Please, get off the counter, miss. There's no bums on the counter, thank you."

Peyton chuckled quietly and leaned forward, showing a little more cleavage to Howard that she should have been in her low-cut shirt. "But can't _I _sit here?"

"No. No one. Absolutely not. Remove yourself please." Howard slowly came to notice Peyton was leaning towards him even more. "I will not ask you again, Peyton, off the counter."

She gave him a playful smile and kissed the tip of his nose. Then, she spun around, slid off the counter, and leaned against it nonchalantly. What happened next was strange when she began, but Howard slowly realized why she'd done it. "...was gonna take him shopping later on."

She's started her sentance as though they had been holding a conversation previously, instead of her hitting on him. And, at the same time she'd began speaking, Vince walked through the door. _Sneaky bitch._

Peyton turned to him, smiling sweetly. "Damn! Now he knows my plan!" Peyton gave a sultry little giggle and walked towards a smiling Vince.

She was a _master _of trickery. Howard was going to have to figure out: _What_ _was she? _

What was she doing exactly? Why'd she need small minded Vince at all? Maybe Cara was lying. Maybe she was jealous... It wasn't as though she didn't have anything to be jealous of, standing next to stunning Peyton. Come to think of it, though quite a few people who didn't keep up with themselfs couldn't come out looking like Vince or Peyton. It made him feel bad for calling the girl "that" before their date. She had plenty to be jealous of. But what if she wasn't...?

"Taking me shopping? For what?" Vince smiled and hugged her around the waist.

"No reason. 'Cause I love you."

"Cheers, Peyton!" Vince kissed her hand and smiled again.

"Vince," Peyton muttered. She looked disappointed. "You didn't say it."

He blinked. Confusion set on his expression and he tilted his head to the side. "Say what?"

A small frown crept onto her face. She let go of him and pushed him away lightly. Were those tears forming in her eyes? Oh, they had to be fake! A whimper escaped her lips, and then she was outright crying.

Vince looked genuinly confused, and his eyes shot towards Howard, to Peyton, then back to Howard. Howard couldn't figure out why Vince was looking at _him_ of all people for help. He shrugged his shoulders.

So, Vince stepped towards Cara and hugged her. "What didn't I say?" he asked again.

Through sniffs and sobs, she managed the say, "You didn't say 'I love you' back."

"That's what this is all about? Well, I do! I do love you!"

Howard looked at the scene going down right in front of him and frowned. He _did. _What? He _had _to be lying. He couldn't really love her!

Peyton turned back towards him. "You do?"

Vince nodded. Peyton smiled. "Do you love me enough... to marry me?"

Howard sat up straight. No. She wasn't doing this! Vince wasn't that _guy! _He didn't marry! What was happening here! They hadn't even known eachother for more than a month or two!

Vince stared. "Well...." He blinked. "Uh..."

No, Vince! Noooo! Why wouldn't Howard say anything? He knew there was something deeply wrong with this girl, she could even been some sort of _monster!_ So why wouldn't he say anything!?

"Yes. I think I do."

Howard wasn't sure what happened after that. It was possible he'd blacked out. But, when he came too, Naboo was standing over him and Vince and Peyton had left hours ago.

* * *

"How about this? It's cute. I love solid tops with plaid bottoms." Peyton held the dress to her figure.

Vince looked at it. "Hm... With a plaid blue jacket, 'couple of buttons here and there, a pair of black high heels, and some leather gloves, you could make that work."

"I know, right?" She smiled. "God, Vince, I love you."

"Love you too," Vince said. He was afraid if he didn't, she'd have another breakdown. There was no way he was prepared for that. That's probably why he agreed to...

"I'm happy we're getting married. But, I don't want a wedding. We should just do it. 'Cause when we do..." She took him by the striped tie around his neck and pulled him closer to her. "We can finally... you know..."

Yeah, he knew. They _hadn't _done it the entire time they'd been dating. He was _pretty sure_ he loved her and all, but damn...

"And, uh... I was wondering... Would you be interested in moving after we get married?"

He'd called off again. That was the fourteenth time in a row. Where was he? Naboo had told Howard several times that there was nothing to worry about. He was probably just hanging out with Peyton. But, how couldn't he worry when he knew there was something horrible about the girl, even though he couldn't figure out what?

Even her best friend had said it! He could remember Cara's words verbatum: _Peyton's no good for him. You need to get him, and leave Dalston. _She'd given him that paper... He'd taken it, but never read it. Now that he though about it, that probably wasn't the best idea. Those were Vince's pants. No telling where they could be in _his _closet.

If he was going to start an investigation, he'd have to start with finding that piece of paper. That could only mean one thing: Howard was going to have to get lost in the horrid Narnia Vince called his closet.

* * *

Howard spent hours going through Vince's crowded closet. After the first hour had past, he'd almost given up looking, deciding the pants weren't in there. He'd sat in front of the closet, gripping his head in adversity. But, soon he was back to sifting through the endless mess.

"What are you doing?"

Howard removed himself from the closet and spun around, expecting to face Vince. Luckily, it was only Naboo and his familiar Bollo. He turned back to the closet and began to look once more. "I'm looking for something," he answered.

"What? A sense of style? Even Vince closet can't help you there," Bollo said. Both he and Naboo laughed. Howard rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well, that's not what I'm looking for now is it?" He pulled at a piece of leather peeking from between a pile of jeans. Aha! The pants! Complete with the lump in the pocket where the balled up scrap of paper sat. He reached inside and pulled it out.

Howard stood and unfolded the paper, placing it against the wall and trying to smooth out the wrinkles. There was only one word written on it, in small ugly handwriting: _Nahemah._

Howard's head tilted. "Huh?" He looked at Naboo. "Does this look familiar to you at all?"

He showed the paper to Naboo who took it in his hands and gave it his own perplexed stare. "Nahemah? Sounds familiar. I'd have to think about it."

Bollo took the paper from Naboo and read it over. He grunted. "Why?"

"It's Vince's girlfriend," Howard admitted. "There's something strange about her. I can't figure out what, though!"

Naboo smiled. "Are you jealous, Howard?" he asked.

"Jealous? That's... That's ridiculous! Why would I be jealous."

"Aw, you can tell me." Naboo chuckled.

"I'm _not _jealous of Peyton!"

"I understand. Too many people around to admit it? It's fine, I know the truth."

"Oh, shut up!" Howard snatched the paper from Bollo's hand. He and Naboo left, chuckling.

Before he got very far, Naboo turned back around. "Oh, by the way, I learned Bob Fossil died about of month ago today."

"Poor Bob Fossil," Bollo murmured. "Body found hallow like drum."

* * *

_Ding ding!_

"Gentlemen! I present to you Mister and Misses Noir!"

Howard's head practically shot up. No. This had to be a trick.

Vince stood at the front door, Peyton's hand around his waist. "Don't exactally got a ring right now, so we settle for matching Ring Pops." He grinned as they both held up their left hands, pink candy Ring Pops with green plastic holders on their ring fingers.

Naboo seemed rather indiferent. Bollo on the other hand...

"Precious Vince is married?" Bollo asked. "Why Bollo not invited to wedding!"

Peyton smiled and pat the gorrilla's cheek. "There was no wedding, Bollo. We just... kind of did it."

Howard stood up, a ridig look in his little eyes. "Vince, can I talk to you?" he asked.

Vince looked towards him, a hand on his hip. "Yeah, go ahead."

Everyone looked towards him. He cleared his throat. "Alone."

Everyone looked at Vince now. He blinked. "Go on then!" he said.

Naboo was first to head up the stairs, fallowed by Bollo, and then Peyton who blew Vince a playful kiss before exiting.

It was quiet for a moment or two. Vince was sucking at the Ring Pop on his finger, and Howard was inwardly tying to think of what he was going to say. Vince obvious thought the silence had gone on for a tad too long though. "Well?" he asked.

"Married?" That was the only thing he could think of. Howard's eyes were smaller than ever. "You got _married!_"

Vince rolled his eyes. "That's what this is about? Don't be so jealous, Howard!"

"I'm not jealous!"

"You had your chance!"

"What?"

"Yeah. You remember that time on the roof!"

* * *

Peyton traced the flowered pattern on her fishnet stockings and looked over at Naboo. As soon as they were asked to leave the room, he'd pulled a blunt from his pocket and lit it. He'd been smoking ever since.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You do this alot, huh?"

Naboo took a drag and blew away the smoke. He grinned. "Yeah."

"Mmm..." She returned the grin. "Pass it over."

Naboo stared at her, wide eyed. "Really?"

"Yeah," she said matter-of-factly. "I haven't done this in awhile."

Peyton took the drug from him and put it to her lips. She inhaled and blew the smoke away in a slinder line from half parted lips. She gave him a grin fitting only of a siren and passed it on.

They continued like this fo a long time, each time Peyton getting alittle more enticing. Every now and then, she'd have to stop and look over the entire blunt, as though cheaking for damages before she'd be able to smoke it. But, then she'd give Naboo a playful smerk and pretend like it wasn't an absurd thing to do every five minutes.

"If you do this every day..." she muttered. "Who do you smoke with? It's lonley smoking alone, isn't it?"

Naboo blew away smoke again and answered simply, "Bollo." He passed the blunt to Peyton.

"Oh," she said. She pulled from it. She held the smoke in her mouth, knealed towards Naboo and kissed him full on the mouth.

Unsure of what to do, Naboo didn't move. Not only did it come to mind that Vince's new wife was a cheating pole-cat, but there was something very familiar about her mouth. Weird as it was, this kiss seemed familiar and he couldn't shake why.

She pulled away from him with a catching grin on her face, and only a whip of smoke breaking between their open mouths to prove they're lips had ever touched. "We oughta go some place no one can find us, huh?" She kissed him again and stood up, walking off while removing her leather jacket.

* * *

"Howard, I don't care what you've got to say, okay?" Vince crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm married now! And what's more, I'm moving!"

"Moving? With _her?_"

"Yeah! And not down the street or around the corner. No. We're going to the States."

"The _States! _You're letting this woman take you to the _States!" _

"To New York! I was gonna try to break it to ya easy, but you weren't gonna let that happen. We've got tickets to leave tonight!"

Now, that was just unlike him. Sure, when he'd joined Kraftwork Orange he was about ready to throw their friendship away, but this was downright unlike him. To just _leave? _What had this girl done to him?

Naboo tripped down the stairs then, confusion playing on his features, and Bollo behind him. "Uh, Vince..."

Vince's angery melted for a moment as he turned towards his boss and landlord. "Yeah, Naboo?"

"You're, um, wife... She just came on to me."

And he was angery again. "_Why _might I ask is _everyone _lying on Peyton!"

"That's no lie! She kissed me!"

"She's tried it with me too!" Howard said with a triumphant nod. Now he had someone on his side. "But I said 'No!'"

Vince looked fed-up. "God damn it, Howard! Naboo! What's next? She kissed _Bollo?_"

Bollo nodded. "She has. Sorry, Vince."

The look of anguish on Vince's face would be almost too much to handle if Howard didn't think he deserved it. "Well... I... Shut up! Stop lying!" With that, he stormed off up the stairs. "I'm still leaving! And I'm leaving tonight!"

"Geez, he's thick!" Naboo said.

"I don't understand," Howard muttered. "Married? Moving? This isn't Vince! Doesn't look like we can do anything about it though..."

Naboo looked at Howard. "Maybe we can," he said. "We've gotta stop Vince from getting on that plane."

Bollo shook his head. "I've got a bad feeling about this..."


	6. Chapter 6

If you read chapter five before December 16th, 2009, you might want to reread it. Something went wrong and an entire part was missing. Anyway...

_"Seduction isn't making someone do what they don't want to do. _

_Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already."_

_-Unknown_

* * *

Luggage after luggage after luggage. And only the two of them to bring it all down.

Howard, Naboo, and Bollo were huddled in a small group, speaking in quiet whispers, looking rather obvious. "...and then Bollo, you grab him. Naboo, you'll lure her from the shop."

"Yeah? And what'll you be doing?" Naboo asked.

"I'll try and talk some since into Vince."

Naboo gave him a look. Bollo shook his head. Neither of them though Vince was prepared to listen to him.

Vince tossed the last bag down the stairs, and his rid heels clicked down after them. "Well, that's the last of 'em..." he muttered.

Peyton came down shortly after and grinned at him. She skipped to him happily and took him by the hands. "Great! Cara's waiting outside with a truck. She's gonna help with the bags."

Naboo blinked, and stepped forward. "Uh, let me help with that," he said, taking a bag. He tilted his head toward another one, indicating Peyton to do the same.

She looked at him for a moment, then smiled very softly. "Okay," she said. She did the same and fallowed Naboo out the front door.

The door clicked shut, and the other two sprange into action. "Now, Bollo, grab him!"

Bollo pounced towards Vince. He screamed and ducked, but it was no use. The gorilla wrapped his big arms over his chest tightly. "What's this all about?!" Vince yelled.

"You_ can't _leave with her, Vince!"

"Now, you're gonna quit telling me that Howard!" Vince said, treateningly. "I'm leaving!"

"But, what about all the good times we had together?"

Vince rolled his eyes. "Don't start with me, Howard!"

"Remember the time we had those sandwiches?" Howard opened his mouth to begin a crimp, but Vince wasn't going to let it happen.

"You can't drag me in with a crimp, Howard. I've made up my mind. Let me go, Bollo."

Bollo grunted behind him. He looked at Howard.

Howard's face had crumbled. It seemed like it didn't matter what they did. Vince really wanted to leave with this girl. Vine _was _going to leave with her. "Fine," Howard whispered. "Let him go, Bollo."

Bollo hesitated while loosened his grip. Vince broke free and smoothed out his blue tunic. He looked at Howard, the frown imminent on his face. "I'll... be back to visit," he said quietly, offering Howard a pat on the shoulder.

Howard crossed his arms. "Okay," he answered. Tears were swelling in his eyes. He tried to blink them back, but as hard as he did, he saw a single one escape and hit the floor. For a moment, he wanted nothing more than to hug Vince. He _knew_ he was loosing his best friend. He _knew_ this would probably be the last time he'd ever see him. Then why wasn't he doing a thing to stop it? Why was he letting it happen?

Maybe he really was jealous. Maybe Cara was jealous too. This was probably a complete overreaction.

The room fell into a deep silence that no one was up for breaking. Vince stared at Howard, and Howard's eyes continuously darted about. He never made eye contact, and he definitely wasn't going to start on this occasion. The quiet was broken by Vince, seconds later. "Don't do that, Howard," he said.

Howard blinked. He looked down at his arm. He was giving himself a Chinese burn and he hadn't even noticed.

The door opened with a ding and Naboo and Peyton stepped back in.

Naboo looked confused. Peyton's face was expressionless. She picked up a couple more bags and turned. "C'mon now, Vince! Help out here."

Vince nodded, then turned away from Howard. He grabbed a couple of his bags and headed for the door. As it swung open, Peyton yelled out, "Cara! Get your ass in here and help!"

Not moments later was Cara pushing through the door, lifting several bags. She looked at Howard, something like fear playing at her features, and mouthed two words. _Help him._

Howard turned away and sat at the bottom of the stairs. There was no helping him. This is what he wanted. He took hold of his arm again and rubbed it hard, flaring the skin with the friction his palm created.

The last of the bags was evetually taken and put into the truck. Then the awkward part came. Saying goodbye. Noone really knew what to do, espcially Howard. Saying goodbye to his best friend for good was almost like loosing a limb. Small, simple farewells were exchanged, in fear of making the moment any more awkward and the last thing Vince said to them before he left was a simple "Well, so long."

And that was that. Vince was gone.

The Nabootique was quiet after that. Quieter than it was before. Vince's absence was leaving a hole, despite he'd not been gone long at all. It was the knowledge that he wasn't returning later on with some bogus story that did it. That's what was egging the hole on.

Bollo seemed to stumble around at a loss. Howard could only sit at the bottom of the stairs and look at the wall opposite him, turning his arm red with Chinese burns. Naboo still seemed deep in thought, the confused expression staying plastered upon his face for hours.

Then it happened. Naboo broke this prolonged silence with one word. "Fuck!"

Howard jumped. "What? What's the problem?"

"Peyton!" Naboo yelled. "That's not her real name! Geez, I'm thick! She's Nahemah! Then name on the paper you gave me! She's Queen of the Succubus's! She's going to _kill Vince!"_

* * *

Peyton and Vince had at least fourteen bags each, costing them quite alot more money than they'd expected. Of course, neither of them had any cash on them, and Cara ended up paying.

"I like an asile seat," Peyton pointed out.

"Oh, well... I like a window seat," Vince said. This was a predicament, seeing as they planned on using most of the trip to make out, and all three of them knew that. They gave each other shifted glances, and then focused on Cara.

Vince smiled. "Uh, do you mind Cara?"

Cara opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Peyton. "Of course she doesn't. Go ahead and sit, Vince."

Vince shrugged an unsure shrug and took the seat by the window. Cara sat beside him, and Peyton beside her. The next hour or so consisted of Cara leaning as far back as she could to avoid possible slobber and trying to look as natural as possible with two people leaning over her to kiss.

At one point, Peyton pulled away. "I have to go pee," she said, stood up and walked off.

Vince chuckled and leaned back in his chair. "She's pretty mean to you," he pointed out.

Cara shrugged and looked at the floor, frowning. "Yeah, well..." she muttered. She never finished the sentence, just left it hanging there awkwardly.

"Its weird. She's usually really nice, unless she's having one of her episodes. Y'know, 'Put the magnets on the fridge in a single file line!'" Vince chuckled and Cara cracked a smile. "Why do you hang out with her?"

Cara's face snapped towards him. She gave him a stern look. "Why do _you _hang out with her?"

Vince shrugged. "Well, she's alot like me. And I love her."

Cara rolled her eyes and pressed her lips together into a straight line. She looked away, down the aisle staring at the backs of the people infront of them.

"...I think," Vince added.

Cara faced him again. "You think?"

He nodded. "I guess I really could. I just do think I do... yet. I like her alot more when she's around than when she's not. It's like _seeing her_ makes me want her more. But when she's not around, it's sort of different."

She blinked and looked at the floor again. "Is that right...?"

Vince sighed and leaned his head back. "I know I'd never treat my best friend the way she treats you."

"Well, you kind of did," Cara said. "Leaving him all alone like that... He was really only trying to help you, you know?"

Vince gave her a look. He would have asked questions, but Peyton was making her way back towards them now.

* * *

Naboo shook his head, sitting in the passanger's seat of Howard's van. "I don't know why I hadn't realized before! Who else could she be?"

Howard looked confused taking his own seat behind the wheel. "What?" he asked. "Who is she now?"

"She's a succubus. Queen of them to be exact."

"Like, the mythical creature? Comes to men, seduces them and then kills them?" Howard started the car up and brought it to speen as the started down the street.

"Exactly like that, Howard. We've got to catch a plane to New York."

Howard stepped on the breaks. "A plane? Wh- Why a plane?"

"We can't very well drive there, can we?"

"Why not?!"

"We'll die."

Bollo grunted. "We can always take carpet."

Naboo nodded. "We could. Since you're so afraid of planes, how 'bout it, Howard?"

"I'm not scared of planes. I just don't like them. Nothing that heavy should be in the air!"

"Shut up, Howard. We're gonna take the carpet."

That's just what they did. Too bad no one mentioned that the carpet's not nearly as safe as a plane. Howard hadn't really noticed that til he was on the damned thing, laying on his stomach, clutching the carpet with his hands. "Is this... safe?" he asked.

"Was it safe the last time you rode it, you berk?" Naboo asked.

Howard shuttered and groaned. He actually couldn't remember much of that trip home from Xooberon, where Vince had been dubbed the Choosen One. He and Vince had spent most of it as infants.

"Think of something else," Bollo said. "Take mind off it."

"Uh..." Howard squeezed his eyes shut. Was _Bollo_giving him advice? It didn't matter. He was going to take it. "Well... How do you know Peyton's true identity, Naboo?"

Naboo sighed. "She almost killed me once."

Howard took a breath. "Wh...What happened?"

"It was the eighties, and I'd only gotten to earth a short time before. I thought she was a nice girl. She wasn't Peyton then, of course. She was... Crissy, or Crista or something.... Her skin was lighter and her hair was blond. She was into magic. She liked weed. Or, that's what she _told _me. We dated for, say,a month. Great fun and all. But, then she said she loved me."

"What Naboo do?" asked Bollo.

"Well, she cried. And made me feel bad. So, I told her I loved her too. About a week later, she asked me to marry her. And I would have too, if she hadn't seduced me, unhinged her jaw and tried to eat my insides."

Howard took uneven breaths. "What'd you do then?"

"Hell, I bloody ran. As fast as I could. After that, I never saw her again. Until about two months ago, I never thought I _would_ see her again... I really should have known. Should have been a dead ringer after she kissed me."

Howard could only feel that if Naboo wasn't on the weed every day, he'd have remembered sooner. They probably would have saved Vince sooner and they damn sure wouldn't be on a flying carpet on their way to New York. He closed his eyes. "Do you think she killed Fossil?"

"I'm positive," Naboo answered. "Who else could it have been?"

"Why didn't she just kill you like she did Fossil? Why prolong it? Why wait?"

Naboo shrugged. "I don't know. But whatever the reason, I'm sure it's the same with Vince."

Howard felt his stomach drop. He wasn't sure he _wanted _to know her reasons.


	7. Chapter 7

We're nearing the end. Only one more chapter after this one, which shall be abit longer than the others. Regardless, I thought about something while revising this chapter and I really ought to have just made it their honeymoon, not them moving. I feel like an idiot, sort of... I almost feel like I should start completely over... I'd rather finish and get your opinions on what I should do though... Now, on with the story!

* * *

The hotel wasn't anything fancy. That wasn't actually much of a problem though. Peyton didn't mind, so Vince didn't mind. Plus, all eyes were on him and his outfit, which couldn't be said when he was outside. _Everyone _in New York seemed to be out to impress. And boy, were some of them _rude._

Vince picked at his nails and Peyton watched as Cara found their room. "Stop doing that," Peyton said, taking hold of his hands.

Vince looked at her. He blinked. "Doing what?"

"Picking your nails. It's irritating."

"You're not gonna... go all crazy are you?"

Peyton rolled her eyes. "What do you mean, _crazy?_"

"You know, you do that whole..." Vince inhaled, huskily and made a faux angry face towards her. "That thing there."

Peyton, in exchanged, kissed him and giggled. "No, I'm not."

Their kiss continued for a moment or two before Cara stood beside them. "Uh..." she muttered. "Don't mean to break anything up, but..."

Peyton pulled away from Vince and groaned. "What, Cara?" she asked, harshly.

"...Got our room key, is all..." she mumbled. She walked off towards the small elevators across the lobby. "Don't quite understand why we're sharing a room anyways..."

Vince frowned. He wanted to ask Peyton why she was so mean to Cara, but he didn't feel like that was a _newly-wed _thing. He could have just as easily asked why she was with them on what was basically their honeymoon, but he didn't feel that would roll over very well either. Cara was always there, and it didn't really bother him either.

He took Peyton in one hand and grabbed a bag in the other, and fallowed behind Cara, who was standing, dejectedly, by the lighted elevator button.

"Cheers, Cara," he said, offering her a smile that he felt she very much needed.

She didn't reply, keeping her eyes fixed on the button, encircled in the read light. The elevator dinged, and slid open. A couple people shuffled out into the lobby, and the three of them shuffled in.

* * *

"Where are we?" Howard asked as he stared over vast blue waters.

"Is that even really a question, you ballbag?" Naboo said. "It's the Atlantic ocean, idiot."

"Oh. I knew that." He did. He really did. What other great body of water would they be flying a magic carpet over, heading towards New York City? Everything about the question seemed immensely odd and mixed up, though the "odd and mixed up" had become the norm and the regular for Howard TJ Moon.

He sighed heavily, trying to keep his head from spinning. Instead of laying on his stomach, he'd taken to laying on his side. All he could see was blue, blue, blue. The water, the cloudless sky. All blue. It almost made it hard to tell where one ended and the other began. It hurt his eyes to look at it, so he flopped back to his stomach. "How long do you think we have?"

"I don't know," Naboo answered. "I wouldn't be surprised if we were already too late."

Too late? Howard couldn't think of that. The idea of his best friend, hallowed out like an empty peanut shell, laying dead in an ally somewhere made him cringe. Peyton's figure standing above it, looking triumphant... No. He lay his forehead onto the soft carpet and closed his eyes, trying to get the image to go away.

It wasn't working. Not at all.

"Bollo," Howard said.

"What, ballbag?" Bollo said in reply.

"Why didn't you tell Vince you'd kissed Peyton?" That had honestly been bothering him since he'd heard the news, but he hadn't though to ask til then, still trying to get the image out of his head.

Bollo grunted. "Why _you _no tell him?"

"I didn't kiss her, now did I?"

"Bollo no hurt Precious Vince feelings, idiot."

Howard sighed. There was a point to that. He hadn't told Vince about Peyton at first for the same reason. Maybe they should have in the first place though...

* * *

The door was unlocked, the knob was turned, and the door pushed open. It wasn't very big, the hotel room. There were two queen sized beds, opposite a desk and a television sitting next to a little refrigerator. The window near the desk had a clear view of the pool out back. There was a small closet beside the front door, and a bathroom at it's side. It wasn't very impressive in the least. A heavy sigh escaped Vince Noir's lips.

He was the first to step inside, dropping his luggage by the closet and falling down on the bed closest to him. Peyton fallowed suit and sat down beside him, taking his hand in hers. "This is temporary, hun! Lady luck will shine on us yet! We'll start a band or something! Get signed! Sooner or later..."

Hopefully sooner rather than later. Vince smiled. Far-fetched ideas like this was one of the many things that kept fuel for his fire.

Cara came in last, a grave look on her face. She stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, looking around, dropping her own bag on the floor. She sighed. "I wonder what's on the telly..."

Minutes later, they were watching a movie. Vince wasn't quite sure what was going on, as a matter of fact he was much more concerned with where the hell the bellhop was with the rest of his bags. He saw the way he'd eyed the sparkling red sleeve that hung out of his mis-packed bag.

Vince stood. "Uh, how about I go get some popcorn, yeah? Some snacks, take a look around town, all that good stuff."

Peyton smiled, rising to her feet. "Yeah. Me and Cara need to have some girl talk anyways. And while you're out, you should get..." she cut her sentance short, leaning forward to whisper the rest into Vince's ear.

He grinned, surprised. "Right. Sure. I'll do that." And with that, he was out the door.

* * *

Cara sighed heavily. Damn it all. Why'd Peyton have to go and decide she wanted everything Cara found to be wonderful? She watched out the side of her eye as Peyton sat back on the bed, a successful little smile on her face.

Cara would have like to wipe the smug grin right off it... But she wouldn't. She couldn't. As bad as she wanted to, she was afraid and with good reason to be. She looked at Peyton, but didn't say a word.

Peyton blinked. "What?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

"This isn't fair..." Cara muttered, and then looked away.

"Fair?" Peyton laughed out loud. "That's a good one. I gave you a chance to warn him, didn't I? The first day you saw him."

Cara remembered that day. Peyton had dragged her along somewhere and she managed to grab a glimpse of him in the window of the Nabootique. She'd made the mistake of telling Peyton she thought he was attractive. That's when Peyton decided he would be hers... Cara protested, in the best way she _could _protest to Peyton. And Peyton had given her the choice to go in and ask him out, or she'd have him. A simple game, really.

"And what'd you do?"

Cara closed her eyes. Peyton had a way of always making the girl want to cry. She could feel the sob forming in the throat, threatening to tear out at any time.

"What'd you do, Cara?" Peyton repeated smiled down at Cara's pained expression.

"I hid," Cara muttered.

"Behind a rack of books," Peyton added, laughing out loud. "That's right. I gave you the chance and you didn't take it. So, he'd mine now. Thank God, he's such a simpleton. I though I was caught after killing that idiot, Fossil."

Cara shook. She'd never met Bob Fossil, but she'd read the article after Peyton had done away with him. And she'd barely escaped death once again after promising Peyton she wouldn't tell a soul and promised to rip any article that she saw to shreds. She swallowed the sob back once again. "Someone's gonna catch you..."

"Who?" Peyton asked. "I've got everyone fool. Howard thinks I'm a whore, and that's fine with me. 'Cause, honestly, I am. I've even got a Shaman tricked! A Shaman that I've tricked before! I'm good, Cara. I'm real good."

Peyton laughed again, running her hands through her brown hair, fluffing it in some places, trying to tame it in others. Cara coughed, trying to push the words from her throat. "Why didn't you just kill him that day in the apartment?"

The day he'd first came there, when she'd yelled at her about the remote.

Peyton blinked. "I'd though about that, actually. That day. I decided it's 'cause he's nice to look at. Have you _seen _his face? Now really, come on?"

"This just... isn't fair," she muttered. The sob lodged in her throat broke free.

"Again with this fair stuff!" Peyton yelled. "Do you think it wasn't fair when I spared _your _life? All I asked is that you be my best friend, Cara, and I won't kill you. Best friends don't tell eachother's secrets, Cara."

"He hasn't _done anything _to hurt anyone."

That didn't mattered. Peyton was going to kill him regardless. No, not Peyton. There wasn't really a Peyton to begin with. Only Nahemah, Queen of the Succubus's. Peyton was simply created for Vince, for Howard, Naboo, Bollo. All of them.

With Cara, she was Rachel.

With Naboo, she was Christina.

But none of those personalities were real. They were taylor-made, to make the person love her, to want her. As if she needed any of that anyways.

Damn it all. Why'd Peyton have to go and decide she wanted everything Cara found to be wonderful? Why'd Peyton have to go and decide she wanted _Vince._


	8. Chapter 8

Here we are, at the end of the journey. For my first Boosh fan fiction, I wouldn't say it's half bad. Haha. I wish I had a quote for this one, one that would be perfect for the final chapter. But, I don't. So, I'll leave you with this:

_"It's impossible_

_to be unhappy_

_in a poncho."_

_-Vince Noir_

* * *

Vince stood in an aisle of a local grocery store, staring at the American dollars in his hands. He stuffed them in the pockets of his coat, that covered his sparkling mirror ball suit. He looked at the bag in his right hand, holding Peyton's mystery item, and then at the shelves infront of him.

"Popcorn, popcorn, popcorn." Vince smiled, suddenly feeling a crimp building in his chest. But it froze where it was. He frowned. He didn't really want to think about crimps at the moment. A crimp without Howard was like buying a genius shirt, but four sizes too big. It was still electric, but what was the point?

A heavy sigh escaped his lips. He wasn't going to think of that. What type of popcorn did he want? Buttery? Plain? Kettle Corn?

Probably the Kettle Corn....

"Hey." Vince blinked. The sharp New York accent almost scared him. He turned to see the two girls standing at his side. They were both afew inches shorter than him with their hair in the wild contours of what could only be described as a scene kid's. One was blond, the other raven haired. They looked sort of like pretty goblins with makeup. It made him smiled. It was about then he decided he'd leave with their phone numbers.

"Alright," he said in reply.

"We like your sparkly suit," one of them, the blond one, said.

Vince grinned. "Likewise," he said.

The black haired one blinked. "But we ain't wearin' sparkly suits," she pointed out.

Vince laughed quietly and ignored the comment.

"Anyways," the blond said. "I'm Victoria and that's Hailey."

The raven haired girl lifted her chin, a stony look in her eyes. "Sup?" she said.

"Vince," he said in reply, a grin still on his face. He wished Howard was there. _Two of us, two of them. It'd work out great._

"What's with that piece of plastic on yo finger?" Hailey asked harshly, tapping at the green Ring Pop trash attached to his ring finger.

Vince's grin faded. Crap, he'd forgotten. He was married. It never seemed like much of a factor when Peyton wasn't around, but now that he remembered, he'd stay loyal. "Oh, right, this thing..." he muttered. "Well, I was just recently married.... Sorry, girls." He clicked his tongue and tried his best at a disappointed face. It didn't roll over too well.

They both rolled their eyes in unison. "Too bad," Victoria said, turning on her heels.

"Whateva', stupid," Hailey added, walking off.

Vince's face went blank. Stupid? He shook his head and turned back to the popcorn. He quickly picked up a box of kettle corn flavored popcorn and walked the opposite way the two girls had came. Was that thunder he just heard? Damn. He wasn't going to have any fun walking home in the _rain._

* * *

Peyton was looking at her. Cara could feel her gaze on her. There'd be no way she could see it. She'd removed her glasses, trying to wipe away tears. Tears that weren't going anywhere, and were blurring her vision even more than they'd usually be. She was going to ask 'What?' or say something along those lines, but she couldn't. Her throat was backed up with unbroken sobs.

Peyton spoke for her. "Leave," she said.

Cara looked towards her blurred figure. "Wh-at?" she finally said, her word broken in half. She wanted very badly the wail out then and there. It didn't matter if she did or not. So, why not just do it? Because Peyton was still there. And she didn't want to cry infront of her anymore. Too bad she still was.

Lightning crashed outside, fallowed by the rumbling sounds on thunder, creeping up towards the hotel until their room shook. "Leave," Peyton repeated. "It's raining. No Fashionista wants to be caught in the rain. And that includes Vince Noir. He'll be back soon, and you'll be gone." An evil smile crept onto Peyton's face. "And then I'll kill him."

Cara swallowed back another damned sob. Vince was much too nice for this. Sure Cara had heard a quip or two about her hair or that she needed contacts, but they were always in the best of wishes. Vince really only tried to help, even if he didn't realize he was insulting you.

"It's about time too," Peyton said. "Haven't had a good fuck in awhile. That Fossil guy... He was _bad_. If he hadn't been so damn annoying, he'd probably still be alive." Peyton shrugged her shoulders and straightened the lamp on the small nightstand separating the beds. "Vince looks like a good fuck don't you think?"

Cara frowned. She didn't want to hear her talk that way. If she wasn't so bloody frightened of her, she'd do something about it too... Peyton was only talking that way to get to her. It was working...

Peyton lifted a hand at Cara and waved her off. "Go ahead, then."

Cara stood. She hated herself for standing. It was one thing that this innocent man was going to be killed, but another that she felt herself letting it happen. What could she do about it? She picked up her glasses, as useless as they'd be in her current condition, and started for the blur that was the door.

Upon exiting, she made her slow trudge for the stairs. She wouldn't take the elevator. She would hardly know what to do with herself if she was stuck on there with a stranger, crying like a fool. She didn't want to answer questions, and questions she'd get. So, walking blindly down the stairs was her best bet.

She took the stairs slowly, making sure both feet were planted before trudging further. One step at a time, unable to keep her mind off of how utterly _wrong _this was. Vince was going to die. She'd tried to warn Howard, to get him to help, but the berk didn't do a thing. Now there was nothing that _could _be done. Vince Noir was going to die.

She should have just outright told Howard. But then, she'd be dead too.

There was no reason to hide it anymore. Cara let the sobs she'd tried so hard to keep in tear from her and echo throughout the empty staircase.

* * *

Vince was sprinting. He'd never ran this fast in his heeled boots before. He had nothing to shield him from the falling rain. Damn. He'd have to do his hair over.

The hotel was coming into view. Yes! Just afew paces away from shelter from the rain. He'd make it with minimal damage. He could fix his hair to perfection in about... thirty minutes.

He turned the corner and pushed opened the revolving door. His head swung back. He could have swore he recognized that person pushing themself through the other side. No time to check. He had a hair emergency.

* * *

Cara had composed herself long enough to leave the staircase. She hadn't stopped crying, but it was good enough. She wasn't in uncontrollable sobs anymore. That was a plus.

She pushed herself through the revolving doors (rushed through by some berk trying to escape the rain on the other side) and stepped out into the downpour, heading down the sidewalk. She didn't mind the rain when it wasn't any more than a sprinkle. But she could only hate Peyton more for sending her out in _this_ storm.

People pressed past her in a hurry. Her feet moved along slowly as she tried to think of anything else but Peyton and Vince. Them together, their bodies together. Vince laying dead and Peyton standing over him...

She removed her ponytail, letting her long hair fall around her face. The hair in the front stuck to her cheeks. It all felt more matted than usual with the added adhesive of the rain. It didn't matter anyway. As horrible as things seemed to be going, as horrible as they _were going,_ it really didn't matter.

She didn't want to walk anymore... Her mind would never let her forget what she'd help do. She sat down on the sidewalk and closed her eyes. It didn't matter anymore. And in ever way it did.

* * *

"New York, New York. The Big Apple. Father Knickerbocker. The Big Town, The-"

"Shut up, Howard." Naboo shook his head.

Howard frowned, deciding not to reply to Naboo. Instead, he looked at the Statue of Liberty as they flew by her face. The rain seemed much heavier around her head. Maybe because every drop that hit her face went flying off towards them.

He'd never been to New York before, but he remembered quite clearly the time he and Vince had _almost _gone there. They'd gotten stuck on an island, eaten rancid coconuts, and practically went insane. It was actually Vince's fault. If he hadn't have given the Captain a mullet...

"Naboo," he said. "Now that we're here, how do we figure what hotel he's in?"

"Bollo's working on that," Naboo answered.

Howard looked towards Bollo who was working on a cup of tea. He was obviously taking his time, holding the glass with a pinkie out, taking delicate sips and blowing at it now and then.

Howard frowned. "Yeah, well hurry up then," he said.

Bollo looked at him and grunted. "Tea hot, ballbag."

"Hey, look!" Naboo called out. Howard and Bollo directed their sight to Naboo. He was pointing ahead, towards the ground. They fallowed his finger to the small figure of a person leaning against a wall in the middle of the rain, sitting on the sidewalk. "Isn't that Cara?"

Howard squinted, hope rising in his chest. "I don't know," he said. "I can't see them that well."

"It is her," Bollo said in his rumbling voice.

Howard blinked. "How do you know?" he asked.

"Tea leafs say so," he muttered, showing the glass to Howard.

_That is Cara,_ it said. If any more clarification was needed, there was an arrow pointed in her direction.

"She'll know where Vince is!" Howard yelled. "Go down, Naboo, go down!"

The carpet began it's descend for the ground and stopped close to Cara. They hopped off, running towards her in a frenzy. Howard was first to reach her. It was definitely Cara. Her body sat pathetically, leaned against the building. He eyes were closed, letting the rain pound onto her face. Howard blinked several times.

She wasn't wearing glasses. Her hair was down... She looked different that was. There was a natural beauty about her face that made Howard feel like a fish out of water "C- Cara?" he asked stupidly.

Her eyes fluttered open. They were hopelessly brown. Something else he hadn't noticed til then. She scrambled to her feet in utter surprise. She lifted her glasses to her face. "Howard?!" she yelled. She looked behind him. "Bollo? _Naboo?!"_

Howard nodded. Before anyone had a chance to say anything more, Cara pulled him into a hug and burst into tears. His first thoughts were of his no-touching rule, but he could let this slide. "V- Vince..." she muttered. "Peyton... They... She... He..."

"We know," Naboo said. "We need you to tell us where they are."

Cara peeked over Howard's shoulder. "You... You have a plan?"

Naboo blinked. "No. Just show us the way."

* * *

Vince stepped into the hotel room. It was quiet. The television was off and Peyton sat alone at the edge of one of the bed. She was leaning back on her elbows, legs crossed. The sultry smile on her face made Vince feel weird, but in a good way.

"Take off the sparkly suit, Vince," she said simply.

He blinked. "What?"

"Take off the sparkly suit," she repeated.

"I'd love to do that," Vince said, removing his coat and tossing it to the side, along with his bags. "But I'm having a bit of a hair emergency, yeah. I'll get back at you in about thirty minutes."

Peyton stood up and walked towards him. "Forget the hair," she said. And without hesitation she took his head in her hands and pulled him towards her, pushing her lips to his.

It wasn't much of a kiss, Vince had to say. More of a mouth rape seeing as he didn't get much of a chance to kiss her back as her tongue went on an expedition in his mouth. But it was _so_ enticing.

As quickly as she'd brought him to her, she pushed him away. "Now take off the sparkly suit, okay?" She pulled her own shirt over her head, revealing a lacy leopard print bra. "It'll look lots better on the floor."

Vince stared, slightly dumbfounded. It had crossed his mind many times that they'd sleep together one day, but he never actually saw it happening. At least not so soon. Now that he thought about it, this was actually a perfect time. This was basically their honeymoon, right?

Peyton sighed. "I'll just have to take actions into my own hands, then." She smiled up at him, kissed his neck and grabbed the zipper on the back of the mirror ball suit. She unzipped it slowly, brushing her lips across the dip in his shoulder blade.

It sent a shiver down his spine, her soft lips against his flesh. He'd never seen her this rough before as long as they'd dated, so hungry for anything more than making out. It honestly got Vince a bit riled and the slowly rising bulge in his pelvic region was proof.

Peyton pulled harshly on the mirror ball suit. She simply wanted it off him and he decided he wanted it off him too. But, the tiny sound of fabric stretching that rang in his right ear made him freeze for a moment. "Wait, stop! You're gonna rip it!"

Peyton gave him a look and rolled her eyes. "Then take it off, Vince," she said, turning around and slipping out of her skirt. Vince could have melted, realizing her panties matched her bra. She hopped onto the bed and grinned. "And hurry up."

Vince rushed the suit and his boots from his body and kicked them aside, landing them on the floor at the end of the bed. He approached the bed slowly, only in his underwear. Peyton was impatient, however. She stood back to her feet, took him by the waist and kissed him again. She forced her tongue into his mouth and pushed him onto the bed.

Vince knew the definition of a dry spell. Especially hanging out with Howard, the human woman repellent, for as long as he had. So, what happened next was evident. In a flurry of movements and moans, Vince was blissfully unaware of his impending doom. Unknowing that Peyton was going to enjoy every minute of his imminent death.

It wasn't until _after_Vince's eyes stopped enjoying the view of the back of his head and came back to focus that he realized there was a huge problem. Of course there was! Her jaw had just disconnected, and why was her tongue suddenly so long?

Vince screamed at the top of his lungs, pushed her off him and rolled off the bed the opposite way. He grabbed for the mirror ball suit from the floor in attempts to cover up, but there wasn't much he could do in his panic. "What the _hell _was that?!"

Peyton sat up on the floor and looked at him across the bed. She looked confused. "...What?" she asked, breathlessly.

"You _know_ what I'm _talking about!" _he yelled. He was shaking, fear the dominant emotion in his body, taking over the ecstasy he'd felt moments before. His stomach caught the flutters suddenly. He didn't know what to think about what had just happened. He knew one thing though: She wasn't what he thought she was.

Peyton frowned. She opened her mouth to speak again but was quickly interrupted by the door swinging open, and a muffled voice saying, "I hope we're not too late."

There, in the door frame, stood Howard, Bollo, Naboo and Cara. All four of their jaws dropped.

Vince looked back and forth between them and Peyton. She'd taken hold of the cover that hung halfway off the bed to cover her naked body. Vince hastily pulled the suit onto his figure tried to zip it in the back.

Howard closed his mouth and opened it again, then closed it. Obviously, no words would come out.

Naboo was the one to break the silence. "Vince, you berk!" he yelled. "You can't have sex with her! She's gonna kill you!"

"Well, _cheers, Naboo!_" Vince yelled, afraid, angry, and sarcastic. "Maybe you should 'ave been here about ten minutes ago! Probably woulda been useful then!"

"Wh- What happened?" Howard asked.

"Peyton no kill Precious Vince!" Bollo added, angrily.

"I don't know! I came in with snacks and... 'Take off the suit!' ....And we were naked, and it was great and then her jaw unhinges and she tries to _kill me! _And I'm freaking out!"

"Aha! See? I told you!" Howard yelled.

"This is no time to gloat, Howard," Naboo said. "This has to be handled properly. She's a succubus, Vince. You've gotta get out of there."

Peyton laughed. She was standing now, underwear and bra back in place. "What are you talking about?" she asked. "This is ridiculous! Who are you gonna believe, Vince? Them or me?"

Big eyes full of fear, he pointed at the group at the door. "THEM!"

Peyton's smile faded. She stepped towards Vince who took it upon himself to shuffle quickly past her. "No, no, no! Say away from me, you freak!" he yelled, searching for protection and finding it behind Howard.

Peyton rolled her eyes. "Fine, fine. I've obviously been caught." She grinned. "But guess what? It's too late. You're fair game now, Vincey."

Bollo let out a roar. Peyton jumped, but seemed unfazed once Bollo got caught in an asthma attack.

Naboo frowned. "If he's fair game, I'm fair game too, Nahemah!"

Peyton tilted her head, a quizzical look in her eyes. "You're right," she said. "I think I'll kill you both."

Cara, who'd been quiet, spoke then. It was nothing that would help them, or save them. It wasn't remotely helpful for that matter. She simply yelled out, "No!"

Peyton's eyes showed the annoyance she felt. "No? Is that the best you got?"

Vince looked at Cara. She looked so angry. Cara was usually very sad. But never angry. It made Vince uneasy. He shuttered.

Cara's voice didn't have half the ferocity that her eyes did, though. "You... You're not gonna kill them..."

Peyton snorted. "Yeah. I am."

"I agree with Cara," Howard said.

"Yeah!" agreed Vince. "I'm chuckin' you!"

"Chucking? I don't get chucked, I chuck people. If anyone's doing the chucking it's me!"

Vince frowned. "I ain't been chucked in my life, and I ain't gonna be chucked by you!"

Naboo shook his head. "Are we _really_ doing this?"

Suddenly, they were all pushed out the way; Bollo, Naboo, Howard and Vince. Cara darted through the door with a yell that was unfitting of her. The anger in her yell made Vince's stomach twist. It was unnerving.

She lept for Peyton, tackling her to the floor and bringing her fists to her face.

"Get outta here!"

They took advantage of that moment. They all did what they did best. They ran as fast as they could, as far as they could, never taking a moment to look behind them. Before any of them could fully comprehend they were on it, the carpet was flying off into the air.

"Go, Naboo, go!" No one was sure who yelled it, but Naboo fallowed orders taking the carpet to higher speeds, further into the air.

As things calmed, Vince lay his head on Bollo's shoulder. "I can't _believe_ you guys let me leave with her!"

That sent three angry glances shooting his way.

"What?"

* * *

The Nabootique was slow, just like any other day. Howard was doing the stock taking, Naboo and Bollo were upstairs in a smokey flat, sharing a bong. Vince sat behind the front counter, staring over a Cheekbone magazine. He frowned. "I can't believe this," he said, furrowing his eyebrows.

"What?" Howard asked. "Are flower prints in or something?"

"No!" he yelled. "All my clothes are still in the States! I can't wear the mirror ball suit for the rest of my life!" He lay his head down on the counter. "I'm pretty sure that bellhop took 'em! I didn't like the look in his eyes..."

"You just narrowly escaped death and you're worried about a bellhop stealing your clothes? If it makes you feel any better, you're welcome to some of my clothes," Howard said.

Vince's head snapped up, an accusing finger pointing Howard's way. "Don't you ever joke like that, Howard."

"It was just an offer."

"Well, it wasn't exactly a genius one, was it?" Vince rolled his eyes, heading for the door. "Fuck this, I'm goin' to Topshop."

That wasn't really the only thing he was upset about. It probably wasn't even a major thing. Sure he'd escaped death again. He'd done that before... But for how long, this time? There was no way Cara could have taken on Peyton and defeated her alone. Cara was only a girl. Peyton... Well, she was a monster.

Naboo told him his story, how he'd been tricked by her too. She'd never came back for him, but maybe that was for different reasons. Naboo was a Shaman. He had other Shamen to back him up. Who did Vince have to save him a second time? She was going to be back for him, and that left an unsettling fear in the pit of his stomach.


End file.
